Today is a difficult day. Yesterday we lost two good friends, husband and wife, in a violent way. I went to sleep thinking of them and woke up thinking of them.
The thing about losing friends is that if it makes sense - if you can identify the "bad guy"... then somehow, through your grief, you can come to terms with the loss. You continue to miss them painfully, but you can send your grief to "the other", the "bad side" who made this all happen.
If it had been caused by some desperate "druggie" just looking for money; or some mentally ill person who randomly walked in their door; or a drunk driver speeding out of control. If it had been caused in these ways, your grief can center on those perpetrators.
But what do you do when you cannot identify the bad guy? What if there is no bad guy? Or worse yet, what if the only bad guy you can find is the person you lost? And you just don't want to go there.
My heart aches while I miss them. My mind keeps turning it over and over. Why? How? What could we have done? What one little event could have changed the course of events, could have interrupted the process so that these two people would still be here with us? I think just a small change somewhere could have stopped this. Perhaps I am being too hopeful in this feeling.
What hurts even more is that these two people were not just good friends... they were good people that many of us admired and used as role models. Involved in community. Volunteering every moment they had. Reliable and trustworthy. Fun to be around. Interested in children and nature. Good caretakers of their horses.
Where can you go when you lose two people like this, and you can't blame anyone? It shakes your belief that things happen for a reason. There is no reason for these deaths. Now life takes on a random aspect... anything can happen at any time, and our thinking minds can't figure it out, and can't stop it. We are at the mercy of unseen, unknown and unfathomable forces.
So we are left here, to live out what is left of our lives, not knowing where around the corner will come a senseless event for us, although we continue to try our best to control life and evil forces, when we can identify them. The scary part is when those forces cannot be identified, cannot be stopped, and good people are gone.
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Well stated, Ginny. Pat & Dennis were ambassadors of public and community service. I cannot think of any individuals with a better commitment to volunteerism, education, and community. They are so deeply missed. Although I have only known them a few years their loss leaves a hole in my heart and an ache in my throat. Words cannot express how devastating this tragedy is for all of us and most of all their family and children.
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